Cracking the Egg
25 Apr 2011 6 Comments
in Learning Tags: breakfast, breaking, cracking, egg, growing, learning, living
It was Tuesday morning. There was nothing much different in my routine that day:
1) Get up. 2) Get my 4-yr-old up. 3) Send him to the bathroom immediately. 4.) Help him get dressed. 5.) Head downstairs to get a quick breakfast started before packing the kids up to take my oldest to preschool.
As I went about my routine that morning, I paused momentarily after a very innocent, yet thought-provoking question from my son. As he stood on his step stool in the kitchen so that he could see what I was doing on the counter, he carefully observed my process of making breakfast. Slightly irritated with his proximity to my ingredients, I kindly asked him to “back up”. With reluctance, he got down from his step stool, grudgingly moved it a few inches back, and stood upon it once again. Just as before, his eyes were fixed on my every move.
As I picked up an egg and tapped it’s firm shell on the edge of the counter, I quickly broke it open and dumped its contents into a bright red bowl. Without a second thought, I took the other egg and began the same process. But just before I tapped the egg, my son said, “Mommy, why do you always break the egg first?”
My immediate thought was: “Oh yeah, he’s only four, so I guess he wouldn’t understand that the egg has to be broken so we can eat it. (Duh).” But, as quickly as that thought came and went, another thought quickly followed. “Why DO I always break the egg first? Boy, do I feel like this egg sometimes…”
When I think about being “broken”, I often think of pain. I think of someone having to endure extreme difficulty or very hard times. But what does not often enter my head is the fact that brokenness is just a precursor for goodness. Oftentimes, it’s the inner contents of a thing that has far more value than it’s outer shell.
Christmas presents. Coconuts. And Oreo cookies. All have various outer packaging. Some bright and flashy. Some tough and hairy. Some crunchy and tasty. But, once you break through the outside, each has something very special and unique to offer the waiting participant willing to break through to the middle.
From time to time I wonder, “What’s my middle? What is so special deep down on the inside of me that’s causing such turbulence in my life?” I can almost feel that light “tapping” of my outer shell against the substance designed to break me. Most often, the tapping is soft and gentle, a subtle coaxing of my inner most being to be swayed in a particular direction. But now and again, that tapping is forceful and mighty, like the sound of a drill sergeant standing before my face with a bullhorn, barking out deafening commands.
Both are designed to expose a side of me not yet revealed to the world. The breaking feels strange, foreign and uncomfortable; but once the light from the outside enters in through the cracks to dispel the darkness of the unknown, there is such a dawning of newness, almost like the birth of something never imagined before.
I’ve now come to always expect the breaking, although I don’t believe I’ll ever fully become accustomed to the physical and emotional consequences of the destruction. I have, however, come to embrace a portion of the process. I believe that we can get to a place where we learn to embrace hurt, as long as we know that hurt is not our final destination.
During these divinely planned cycles of life, I am expecting such a brilliant revealing of myself that it literally impacts an entire nation, or maybe even the entire globe. Only my God knows what “it” is that He is after. And with every breath and prayer, I have earnest hope that He will find it in me.
That morning, we had a simple breakfast of eggs, bacon and cinnamon toast. All three are my son’s favorites. I hated having to rush him through breakfast to get him to school on time. I would have loved to have had a brief “four-year-old” talk with him about why the egg had to be cracked, then broken.
When he asked me the question that morning, I believe I said something very elementary like, “I have to break the egg so that we can eat it”. I know that statement somehow quenched his curiosity for the moment because I was not immediately barraged with five follow-up questions (as he often fires off when he’s not satisfied with an answer). So I took his questioning that morning as a slight cracking of my own outer shell. A way to dig deeper into my own thinking and perceptions of life.
Today, I am grateful for the breaking. Tomorrow may be another story, but at least I know that my breaking tomorrow could just lead to another great breakfast with my favorite four-year-old.
No Time Like the Present
11 Apr 2011 2 Comments
As I reflect on the fact that we just entered the second quarter of 2011, I remember a few things:
- New Year’s Eve. Each one for me in the past ‘so many years I can’t remember’ has been spent in a church. I surprisingly have not tired of this tradition. There’s something about being in what is considered by most to be a “safe place”, and connecting with my creator at a time of such significance. It’s at this time that I get a chance to really look to the new year and embrace all that God would have for me in it.
- Grown-up moments. Over the past 15 years or so, I’ve had many “grown-up moments”. Many of which occurred during my four years at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana. I remember walking alone outside some of the campus’ beautiful historic structures, beaming with pride because I had been able to survive on my own. As the baby of my family, I was literally an extension of my mother’s body. I was nearly adjoined to her side every day of my life. The tearing away of such a close bond was painful, but eventually I healed and began life as a self-sufficient young woman. Those days are far behind me now. Since that time, several things in life have brought on new grown-up moments. Starting my first job after graduation, moving into my first apartment in the big city, getting married, and having children are all events that have made the list. But early this year, I experienced a very different kind of grown-up moment. This one felt like I was having brain surgery without anesthesia. Many things in me were changing–I felt pain–but the pain I felt without the change was far worse than anything the change could bring on its own. I found myself smack-dab in the middle of a major life transformation that I had not seen coming. This thing would not leave me alone–and I know it’s not done with me yet. In recent weeks, I’ve come to realize that my commitment to the change is as crucial as the change itself.
- Commitments. Which brings me to today. Right now. This moment. As I write. I made a mental commitment to start a blog this year. My reservations were: What’s the point of a blog? Do I really have anything important to talk about? Who cares what I have to say anyway? For those of you who have made commitments to do something different in your life, know that if you can overcome the nay-sayers in your own head, you will have the power to overcome the nay-sayers that speak outside your head. Let me say it another way: Your biggest enemy will always be yourself. Once fear is put in its place, no one else can stop you from moving forward. In my case, Fear had a dirty roommate named Procrastination. Apparently, they ignored the eviction notice that had been posted midnight 1/1/11. I naively bought into their many excuses, only to realize that I was the one being played. So, in keeping with the promises I made to myself early this year, I’m taking care of business and kicking out freeloaders that keep me from progressing.
So now that we are officially in the second quarter of 2011, are there things that you’ve neglected since the start of the year? Some call them resolutions, some say goals, others call them commitments. Whatever you call them, go ahead and delete the Evite to Fear & Procrastination’s dinner party and tell those lazy bums where to go. There really is no time like the present to jumpstart your plans, goals, and commitments for the year. And as I recall, some of the most exciting come-backs happened in the second quarter.
