Forever 21
16 May 2011 2 Comments
in Living
How long does it take to establish a new habit? Frankly, no one seems to know.
I have often heard people try to zero in on the number of days it takes a human being to completely transform their thoughts around a particular action, causing a tremendous turnaround in both nature and comprehension. The thought is that if 2 + 2 = 4, shouldn’t there be some sort of parallel equation for totally changing the way we think, do, and live? Interestingly, some people say “yes”.
I began my research on the topic after trying to establish a new habit of my own. I will not share what the new habit was, but I’ll just say that it had to do with organizational development.
With that said, the first number reference I ever heard used to describe the process of establishing a new habit was 21. It certainly seemed easy enough. It would take just a mere 3 weeks to change my life? Great! Where do I sign up?
Needless to say, it didn’t take much to get me psyched up about the new life that was awaiting me. And so I started the process with great gusto.
Day 1: I couldn’t wait to wake up and start my new habit, and in a matter of minutes, day 1 of my new life was done. CHECK.
Day 2: Still reeling from the excitement of day 1, I danced my way through day 2. CHECK.
Day 3: What a great week this has been! I can totally do this. CHECK.
Day 4: Why would ANYONE think that establishing a new habit is difficult? They’re all just losers. CHECK.
Day 5: I must be gifted because I just knocked out a week of a new habit with no sweat. I may not even need 21 days. CHECK.
And so there I was, praising myself for a job well-done. A full week (excluding the weekend) was done and I was feeling good. What I had learned in the short time I had spent in my “new life” was that I could be someone completely different anytime I wanted. There was nothing standing in my way. I just had to simply do it.
With my new found revelation, I decided that the 21-day habit-forming method was a myth. Or maybe it just didn’t apply to someone as superior as myself. I had easily mastered my new habit in just 5 short days! I was changed forever.
For exhibiting such courage and determination, I rewarded myself with two “free days”. On these two consecutive days I did not require myself to perform my new habit. Hey, they say on the seventh day, God rested. And so would I, on the sixth and seventh day.
On Monday morning, technically Day 8, I awoke ready to “get back on the wagon”. After my rest, it was time to get back to work. The gusto was still there, just missing a little steam this time around. I was able to end the day with a “CHECK”, but it was a bit of a struggle.
Day 9: Do I have time for the new habit today? Maybe I’ll do it when I get back. Yeah…I’ll wait until later. NO CHECK.
Day 10: Okay, waiting until later means I’ll never get to it. Gotta do it early. Gotta do it now. CHECK.
Day 11: Maybe I don’t really have to do it everyday. I can afford another free day, right? NO CHECK.
And so it went the rest of the week and the following week: CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, NO……
Eventually, the new habit was a permanent “no check”. What happened?
It really bothered me that only after two weeks, my brilliant new habit had vanished like a ghost. It’s appearance seemed so real at first, but it slowly faded into the distance, along with all those wondrous thoughts of grandeur leading to my shiny new life.
Why is it so hard to establish a new habit? And can there really be a formula for something so complex?
I believe that it takes more to establish a new habit than just doing something new or different for a certain number of days. The first step to establishing a new habit is to divorce a bad one. This is a step that many fail to do and a step that is usually overlooked in the 21-day, 30-day, or 60-day method.
Just think about it. In order for someone to decide they need a new habit, it means that there must be an error with a current habit. If someone wants to start spending more time with family and friends, that person must be doing something that causes them to not have time to spend with family and friends. That someone couldn’t just say, “I’m going to spend more time with my family and friends” and not change anything else in their world. They would possibly have to adjust some things in their schedule during the week. On weekends, they may have to sacrifice some personal time to allow friends to stop by. Whatever the case, there would have to be an initial adjustment made to carve out room for the new habit to form, take root, and grow.
Doctors have tried with science and scholars have tried with intellect to define the proper amount of time one should take to make such meaningful changes in life. I particularly like the 21-day model. Three weeks to a better you! Actually sounds more like a weight-loss commercial.
The truth is that the 21-day model does not work. Neither does the 30-day or the 60-day. Well, that’s my truth anyway. It’s my truth because I tried them all. And I failed them all. So long for putting me in the gifted program.
I believe my ultimate downfall was always getting ahead of myself. After only a few days of success, I let myself slip a bit because I felt deserving. One thing the scholars got right was that consistency is truly the key. Whichever model you try, you absolutely must be constant and consistent. Each day is important, and when it comes to establishing a new habit, taking a “break” can be a deal-breaker.
My latest life renovation project is to once again use the 21-day model and take another stab at establishing my new habit. But this time, I am going in with no guarantees that this new habit will actually form. I understand that the battle I’m fighting is much greater than just crossing days off my calendar. I’m wrestling with the many years of doing the very opposite of the new habit I’m trying to enforce. Daily defeating the bully of my past is the only victory I’m after in this round. If I can get past him, then I know I’ll be okay.
It has only been a few days since my new “Day 1″, and I still skip a few here and there. It’s not that I feel entitled to a break, but it’s to simply relieve some of the pressure. There are days when my will to win is simply not there. So instead of seeing myself as a failure, I choose to sit on the sideline until I am ready to get back in the ring.
Since beginning again, I’ve decided that this will be the last time I use the 21-day method for this particular new habit. It’s quite comical that I have started this process so many times. My 21-day plan has become more like the 121-day plan, but I am completely okay with that. Some may say that I have failed the test, but that doesn’t really bother me anymore. I am content in saying that I have no idea what day I’m on…..but hey, it’s actually kind of fun becoming 21 over and over again.
