Wanting the ‘Best’
04 Aug 2011 1 Comment
The purpose of a journey is to move forward. To migrate continuously to a set place or destination. Throughout our journey, there are many experiences that can make tremendous impacts on our lives. We have the power to choose whether these experiences will propel us further along the journey, stagnate us in one place, or send us spiraling backward toward the place we began.
I have come to realize that any experience that makes an impact on my life can be used to bring clarity, perspective, and determination. It is in the moments where my path seems to take the ugliest turn that I draw even closer to the hope and belief that I’m heading in the right direction. I lean hard on my God and trust that my journey is in His hands.
Below are lyrics to a song that has meant a lot to me in trying times. I hope that you can find meaning in it as well.
‘What If Your Best’ by FFH (see it performed here)
I’m trying hard to keep from falling off this wheel
Trying hard to keep so still as you are shaping and remaking
Something new is bound to surface, something bound to bring you fame
Something sure to make you great
Something you can use, but I am only clay
And clay doesn’t get to choose
I want your best, but what if your best is brokenness
Would I be broken?
I want your best, but what if it’s less than what I asked and what I’m hoping
What if your best is here in the waiting, here in the going through the motions
I’ll still be trusting all I am, and all I have, and nothing less to potter’s hands
I’m trying hard to keep from giving you advice
It’s like teaching Shakespeare how to write
or Monet the way to paint another scene
but there’s just something and it’s amateur the things
that my opinion’s what you need on how to work in me
But I am only clay and clay probably shouldn’t speak
I want your best, but what if your best is brokenness
Would I be broken?
I want your best, but what if it’s less than what I asked and what I’m hoping
What if your best is here in the waiting, here in the going through the motions
I’ll still be trusting all I am, and all I have, and nothing less…
So take my life and let it be consecrated just to thee
Take my voice and let me sing for you my king
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in ceaseless praise
for you, always, for you
I want your best, but what if your best is brokenness
Would I be broken?
I want your best, but what if it’s less than what I asked and what I’m hoping
What if your best is here in the waiting, here in the going through the motions
I’ll still be trusting all I am, and all I have, and nothing less…
Only here for you to mold, I’m holding on, cause I belong…
In potter’s hands.
If you feel that life has left you “broken” at times, make comments below on how you have dealt with those trying times.
Work In Progress
12 Jun 2011 1 Comment
It is so exciting when you get a new idea, understand the idea, and then begin working to fulfill the idea. Most often, these things happen over the course of time. For me, all three of these things happened in just one day.
In the early hours of the morning, I got an amazing idea. I was so excited that I ran down to my computer (which is always on) to do some research. It is not a strange occurrence for me to be found sitting alone in a dark room with just the soft glow of my computer screen as my company. I practically live on my computer. However, at this very moment, my web-surfing had developed some serious meaning.
Have you ever been searching for something, but not have the slightest idea what you’re looking for? That has been me, to an extent. I will often go through seasons where I am crystal clear on my destination and purpose, but then there are times when things couldn’t be more confusing.
This year has proven to be a year of great clarity and revelation in my life. Through the many twists, turns, dead-ends, and detours on my path, I’m finding that each step and turn was leading me to this place. The place of discovery.
Fulfillment and purpose is found in the discovery of oneself. You can never know where you’re going until you know who you are. Little by little, I’m learning more about the woman I was created to be and to become. And I becoming her everyday, through every decision that I make.
Sometimes, out of fear, I make the wrong decisions. At these times, I seem to fear becoming her–but I know I must be her. I must be true to who I am, no matter the cost because it may just cost everything. And I can’t afford to lose the person I was created to be.
So I continue on this pathway called discovery. There’s so much on this path, and time seems to unfold so rapidly here. But I am confident in knowing that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Though I can’t see everything ahead, I can at least see the mile-marker that lets me know my approximate location. This alone gives me great comfort and peace.
If you need help locating yourself, try to find a reference point. My reference point is within the One who guides my heart and waters my soul. It is His leading that orchestrates my journey and establishes my destination.
You were designed with a purpose and a destiny. I’m sure you’ve heard that before, and if you haven’t, please take a moment to apply that statement to your life. If you search for purpose, you will find it. Walk through and embrace each season of life because each one will surely come and go. Be sure to follow close to the leader, understand your call, and carry it out as a work in progress….until the day of it’s completion.
In a Perfect World
10 Jun 2011 2 Comments
in Living
In a perfect world:
1. Dishes would be designed so that any food left on them would rapidly disintegrate about an hour after dinner.
2. Children would crave naps in the same way that they crave Hi-C fruit punch and popsicles.
3. If you simply say, “I need a vacation”, and blink your eyes 3 times, you would suddenly wake up in Hawaii just before sunset.
4. Every kitchen would come with a complimentary personal chef ready to prepare all of your favorite foods every night of the week.
5. Any ailment could be cured by ice cream, or some kind of candy involving chocolate and caramel.
6. Jazz musicians would be at your bedside to play soothing melodies just perfect enough to coax you into dreamland.
7. The cleaning fairies would stop by every house each night after everyone is snuggled tightly in their beds to perform their nightly duty of scrubbing, dusting, and polishing so that you wake up to brilliance every morning.
8. Laundry would not exist. Clothes would simply never, ever, get dirty.
9. Nothing would ever be misunderstood, miscommunicated, or misinterpreted, therefore making the world exempt from conflict.
10. I would actually have time to write in-depth, meaningful posts for this wonderful blog of mine. I long for the perfect world…
What tops your list of things in the “perfect world”? Let me know in your comments!
Forever 21
16 May 2011 2 Comments
in Living
How long does it take to establish a new habit? Frankly, no one seems to know.
I have often heard people try to zero in on the number of days it takes a human being to completely transform their thoughts around a particular action, causing a tremendous turnaround in both nature and comprehension. The thought is that if 2 + 2 = 4, shouldn’t there be some sort of parallel equation for totally changing the way we think, do, and live? Interestingly, some people say “yes”.
I began my research on the topic after trying to establish a new habit of my own. I will not share what the new habit was, but I’ll just say that it had to do with organizational development.
With that said, the first number reference I ever heard used to describe the process of establishing a new habit was 21. It certainly seemed easy enough. It would take just a mere 3 weeks to change my life? Great! Where do I sign up?
Needless to say, it didn’t take much to get me psyched up about the new life that was awaiting me. And so I started the process with great gusto.
Day 1: I couldn’t wait to wake up and start my new habit, and in a matter of minutes, day 1 of my new life was done. CHECK.
Day 2: Still reeling from the excitement of day 1, I danced my way through day 2. CHECK.
Day 3: What a great week this has been! I can totally do this. CHECK.
Day 4: Why would ANYONE think that establishing a new habit is difficult? They’re all just losers. CHECK.
Day 5: I must be gifted because I just knocked out a week of a new habit with no sweat. I may not even need 21 days. CHECK.
And so there I was, praising myself for a job well-done. A full week (excluding the weekend) was done and I was feeling good. What I had learned in the short time I had spent in my “new life” was that I could be someone completely different anytime I wanted. There was nothing standing in my way. I just had to simply do it.
With my new found revelation, I decided that the 21-day habit-forming method was a myth. Or maybe it just didn’t apply to someone as superior as myself. I had easily mastered my new habit in just 5 short days! I was changed forever.
For exhibiting such courage and determination, I rewarded myself with two “free days”. On these two consecutive days I did not require myself to perform my new habit. Hey, they say on the seventh day, God rested. And so would I, on the sixth and seventh day.
On Monday morning, technically Day 8, I awoke ready to “get back on the wagon”. After my rest, it was time to get back to work. The gusto was still there, just missing a little steam this time around. I was able to end the day with a “CHECK”, but it was a bit of a struggle.
Day 9: Do I have time for the new habit today? Maybe I’ll do it when I get back. Yeah…I’ll wait until later. NO CHECK.
Day 10: Okay, waiting until later means I’ll never get to it. Gotta do it early. Gotta do it now. CHECK.
Day 11: Maybe I don’t really have to do it everyday. I can afford another free day, right? NO CHECK.
And so it went the rest of the week and the following week: CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, NO CHECK, NO……
Eventually, the new habit was a permanent “no check”. What happened?
It really bothered me that only after two weeks, my brilliant new habit had vanished like a ghost. It’s appearance seemed so real at first, but it slowly faded into the distance, along with all those wondrous thoughts of grandeur leading to my shiny new life.
Why is it so hard to establish a new habit? And can there really be a formula for something so complex?
I believe that it takes more to establish a new habit than just doing something new or different for a certain number of days. The first step to establishing a new habit is to divorce a bad one. This is a step that many fail to do and a step that is usually overlooked in the 21-day, 30-day, or 60-day method.
Just think about it. In order for someone to decide they need a new habit, it means that there must be an error with a current habit. If someone wants to start spending more time with family and friends, that person must be doing something that causes them to not have time to spend with family and friends. That someone couldn’t just say, “I’m going to spend more time with my family and friends” and not change anything else in their world. They would possibly have to adjust some things in their schedule during the week. On weekends, they may have to sacrifice some personal time to allow friends to stop by. Whatever the case, there would have to be an initial adjustment made to carve out room for the new habit to form, take root, and grow.
Doctors have tried with science and scholars have tried with intellect to define the proper amount of time one should take to make such meaningful changes in life. I particularly like the 21-day model. Three weeks to a better you! Actually sounds more like a weight-loss commercial.
The truth is that the 21-day model does not work. Neither does the 30-day or the 60-day. Well, that’s my truth anyway. It’s my truth because I tried them all. And I failed them all. So long for putting me in the gifted program.
I believe my ultimate downfall was always getting ahead of myself. After only a few days of success, I let myself slip a bit because I felt deserving. One thing the scholars got right was that consistency is truly the key. Whichever model you try, you absolutely must be constant and consistent. Each day is important, and when it comes to establishing a new habit, taking a “break” can be a deal-breaker.
My latest life renovation project is to once again use the 21-day model and take another stab at establishing my new habit. But this time, I am going in with no guarantees that this new habit will actually form. I understand that the battle I’m fighting is much greater than just crossing days off my calendar. I’m wrestling with the many years of doing the very opposite of the new habit I’m trying to enforce. Daily defeating the bully of my past is the only victory I’m after in this round. If I can get past him, then I know I’ll be okay.
It has only been a few days since my new “Day 1″, and I still skip a few here and there. It’s not that I feel entitled to a break, but it’s to simply relieve some of the pressure. There are days when my will to win is simply not there. So instead of seeing myself as a failure, I choose to sit on the sideline until I am ready to get back in the ring.
Since beginning again, I’ve decided that this will be the last time I use the 21-day method for this particular new habit. It’s quite comical that I have started this process so many times. My 21-day plan has become more like the 121-day plan, but I am completely okay with that. Some may say that I have failed the test, but that doesn’t really bother me anymore. I am content in saying that I have no idea what day I’m on…..but hey, it’s actually kind of fun becoming 21 over and over again.
Cracking the Egg
25 Apr 2011 6 Comments
in Learning Tags: breakfast, breaking, cracking, egg, growing, learning, living
It was Tuesday morning. There was nothing much different in my routine that day:
1) Get up. 2) Get my 4-yr-old up. 3) Send him to the bathroom immediately. 4.) Help him get dressed. 5.) Head downstairs to get a quick breakfast started before packing the kids up to take my oldest to preschool.
As I went about my routine that morning, I paused momentarily after a very innocent, yet thought-provoking question from my son. As he stood on his step stool in the kitchen so that he could see what I was doing on the counter, he carefully observed my process of making breakfast. Slightly irritated with his proximity to my ingredients, I kindly asked him to “back up”. With reluctance, he got down from his step stool, grudgingly moved it a few inches back, and stood upon it once again. Just as before, his eyes were fixed on my every move.
As I picked up an egg and tapped it’s firm shell on the edge of the counter, I quickly broke it open and dumped its contents into a bright red bowl. Without a second thought, I took the other egg and began the same process. But just before I tapped the egg, my son said, “Mommy, why do you always break the egg first?”
My immediate thought was: “Oh yeah, he’s only four, so I guess he wouldn’t understand that the egg has to be broken so we can eat it. (Duh).” But, as quickly as that thought came and went, another thought quickly followed. “Why DO I always break the egg first? Boy, do I feel like this egg sometimes…”
When I think about being “broken”, I often think of pain. I think of someone having to endure extreme difficulty or very hard times. But what does not often enter my head is the fact that brokenness is just a precursor for goodness. Oftentimes, it’s the inner contents of a thing that has far more value than it’s outer shell.
Christmas presents. Coconuts. And Oreo cookies. All have various outer packaging. Some bright and flashy. Some tough and hairy. Some crunchy and tasty. But, once you break through the outside, each has something very special and unique to offer the waiting participant willing to break through to the middle.
From time to time I wonder, “What’s my middle? What is so special deep down on the inside of me that’s causing such turbulence in my life?” I can almost feel that light “tapping” of my outer shell against the substance designed to break me. Most often, the tapping is soft and gentle, a subtle coaxing of my inner most being to be swayed in a particular direction. But now and again, that tapping is forceful and mighty, like the sound of a drill sergeant standing before my face with a bullhorn, barking out deafening commands.
Both are designed to expose a side of me not yet revealed to the world. The breaking feels strange, foreign and uncomfortable; but once the light from the outside enters in through the cracks to dispel the darkness of the unknown, there is such a dawning of newness, almost like the birth of something never imagined before.
I’ve now come to always expect the breaking, although I don’t believe I’ll ever fully become accustomed to the physical and emotional consequences of the destruction. I have, however, come to embrace a portion of the process. I believe that we can get to a place where we learn to embrace hurt, as long as we know that hurt is not our final destination.
During these divinely planned cycles of life, I am expecting such a brilliant revealing of myself that it literally impacts an entire nation, or maybe even the entire globe. Only my God knows what “it” is that He is after. And with every breath and prayer, I have earnest hope that He will find it in me.
That morning, we had a simple breakfast of eggs, bacon and cinnamon toast. All three are my son’s favorites. I hated having to rush him through breakfast to get him to school on time. I would have loved to have had a brief “four-year-old” talk with him about why the egg had to be cracked, then broken.
When he asked me the question that morning, I believe I said something very elementary like, “I have to break the egg so that we can eat it”. I know that statement somehow quenched his curiosity for the moment because I was not immediately barraged with five follow-up questions (as he often fires off when he’s not satisfied with an answer). So I took his questioning that morning as a slight cracking of my own outer shell. A way to dig deeper into my own thinking and perceptions of life.
Today, I am grateful for the breaking. Tomorrow may be another story, but at least I know that my breaking tomorrow could just lead to another great breakfast with my favorite four-year-old.
No Time Like the Present
11 Apr 2011 2 Comments
As I reflect on the fact that we just entered the second quarter of 2011, I remember a few things:
- New Year’s Eve. Each one for me in the past ‘so many years I can’t remember’ has been spent in a church. I surprisingly have not tired of this tradition. There’s something about being in what is considered by most to be a “safe place”, and connecting with my creator at a time of such significance. It’s at this time that I get a chance to really look to the new year and embrace all that God would have for me in it.
- Grown-up moments. Over the past 15 years or so, I’ve had many “grown-up moments”. Many of which occurred during my four years at the University of Illinois in Champaign-Urbana. I remember walking alone outside some of the campus’ beautiful historic structures, beaming with pride because I had been able to survive on my own. As the baby of my family, I was literally an extension of my mother’s body. I was nearly adjoined to her side every day of my life. The tearing away of such a close bond was painful, but eventually I healed and began life as a self-sufficient young woman. Those days are far behind me now. Since that time, several things in life have brought on new grown-up moments. Starting my first job after graduation, moving into my first apartment in the big city, getting married, and having children are all events that have made the list. But early this year, I experienced a very different kind of grown-up moment. This one felt like I was having brain surgery without anesthesia. Many things in me were changing–I felt pain–but the pain I felt without the change was far worse than anything the change could bring on its own. I found myself smack-dab in the middle of a major life transformation that I had not seen coming. This thing would not leave me alone–and I know it’s not done with me yet. In recent weeks, I’ve come to realize that my commitment to the change is as crucial as the change itself.
- Commitments. Which brings me to today. Right now. This moment. As I write. I made a mental commitment to start a blog this year. My reservations were: What’s the point of a blog? Do I really have anything important to talk about? Who cares what I have to say anyway? For those of you who have made commitments to do something different in your life, know that if you can overcome the nay-sayers in your own head, you will have the power to overcome the nay-sayers that speak outside your head. Let me say it another way: Your biggest enemy will always be yourself. Once fear is put in its place, no one else can stop you from moving forward. In my case, Fear had a dirty roommate named Procrastination. Apparently, they ignored the eviction notice that had been posted midnight 1/1/11. I naively bought into their many excuses, only to realize that I was the one being played. So, in keeping with the promises I made to myself early this year, I’m taking care of business and kicking out freeloaders that keep me from progressing.
So now that we are officially in the second quarter of 2011, are there things that you’ve neglected since the start of the year? Some call them resolutions, some say goals, others call them commitments. Whatever you call them, go ahead and delete the Evite to Fear & Procrastination’s dinner party and tell those lazy bums where to go. There really is no time like the present to jumpstart your plans, goals, and commitments for the year. And as I recall, some of the most exciting come-backs happened in the second quarter.
